coming home from vacation

I could have rolled this entry in with the Tuesday of vacation entry, I concede.  But I think it's worth a separate reflection.

On the Wednesday, we flew home.  And it's that last word that's the interesting one here.  Home is where I live and where Conrad and Van and Olive are.  That makes home Pasadena.  But boy oh boy, do I have conflicted feelings about home and what it really means.  This bubbles up any time I come back from a trip to Canada, especially to BC.  Because that is what feels like home to me.

Because look, here was my morning walk.

And here's what I flew home to.

And while I have been at home in both, one of these speaks more to me than the other 

This is not a dump-on-the-US or on LA kind of post, no.  Just the admission that every trip to Canada takes an emotional toll that I often need at least a few days to recover from.  I posted earlier this week that it's been 25 years down here.  If I am still here in five years (very likely), then I will have lived half my life in the US.  I have already lived in California longer than I did in Chicago, and Pasadena is now the place I have lived second-longest in my life (and I haven't done the math, but I think that come September or some time then, it will be the place I will have lived the longest uninterrupted).  I have a great life here.

But I miss my country.  Simple as that. 

silver anniversary

25 years!  No, not of me and Conrad (we're coming up on 25 years since we met in the new year, though).  I completely forgot that last Friday marked 25 years since I moved the the US.

On August 1, 2000, I flew from Montreal to Chicago - I think I may have had a connection in Detroit or Toronto, I can't recall.  I made my way from O'Hare to the Boystown neighbourhood where my friend (and former Montreal swim teammate) Medgar was living.  He was at his job out in the suburbs, but it was a lovely day, so I sat with the bags I had on the lawn of his courtyard building (by coincidence, across the street from Yoshi's which came to be so important in my Chicago life), waiting for him to come home.  I was going to stay with him for a handful of days until I could move into the apartment I had signed a lease for, a couple of blocks away.  I was not due to start my job until August 8, and that would give me time to settle in, get to know Medgar's friends on the Smelts, and build my social network right away.

So I sat on that lush green lawn on a Chicago summer afternoon, and I wrote an 8-page letter to my Mum.  It had hit me hard how very huge it must have been for her to leave the UK in the early-mid 60s and emigrate to Canada.  Leaving a country and all of your relatives behind - yes, I know the US is just across the border, but it was a whole other world where I had to establish myself in so many ways.  And I couldn't even fathom what lay ahead in terms of work and setting up my life - all the banking and finding dentists and doctors and getting a new driver's license and more.  I could only think what a huge step it was and how very very far I felt from all my family in British Columbia, even farther than when I lived in Montreal.

Medgar came home, I think we might have gone to the pool, I think we might have had sushi.  I stayed a few days with him before he foisted me off on a teammate who was going out of town and welcomed a house sitter for the rest of my time until I could move into my apartment.  I lived a very modest life, making more money than I ever had before (my starting salary was $31,500) and yet having much higher expenses because of loans and the move and rent and such.  Work was interesting.  I soon met Courtney, who has remained a very dear friend.  I had an immediate group of great friends through Medgar and the Smelts.  I figured I'd be in Chicago, in the US, for about two years, then take my work experience back to Canada and have a nice little life and career in a small town somewhere.

And then I met Conrad in the January after I moved to Chicago.  And everything changed.

Every time I go back to Canada, I return to the US feeling something akin to grief for a few days.  Like there is so much that I have missed by being out of my country for 25 years, and so much more that I will miss.  I ache sometimes to go back.  Maybe one day.  Having Van in our lives complicates consideration of immigration, and so my future more likely lies here in the US (though I would not be unhappy with a cooler part of the US!).  So be it.  I have Conrad and Van and friends and professional colleagues and a home and a career here, and it is good.

So, happy anniversary to me, belatedly.  Not yet half my life in the US, but I feel certain that one day I will reach that mark and surpass it.

(That photo, by the way?  From my birthday in 2001, not a photo from 2000.  Me and Medgar.  I don't have any photos older than that digitized and on this laptop.) 

looking back

I don't do New Year's resolutions. I don't like the idea of committing to a life change just once a year and that's that. Better to reflect on what needs changing in life through the year and make it happen. Mind you, I don't begrudge others their resolutions. Everything needs a starting point, right?

So let me not call this a resolution, just a starting point for blogging again. I've recently been enjoying seeing some 365 albums on Flickr, and I realized that I would like to get back to blogging. Nothing serious. Food. Travel. Musings. With me?

At this time of year many media outlets pull together top lists or year in review stories. I'm a bit of a sucker for those if only because my memory is so remarkably sieve-like that it's good to have some reminders. I made a list yesterday. Here, then, is a year in review.

But not chronological, because 2011 was all about the wedding. Yes, ten years together, and on the first Saturday after what Conrad and I consider our ten-year anniversary of our first date, we were married in Vancouver. Family and friends came from as far as Sweden and the UK, and there was a healthy Chicago contingent. Allison looked gorgeous as my best woman, TK continued to demonstrate how awesome a best friend he is by standing in my party and doing a reading, and my big sister Marie gave me away. Actually, Marie did a ton more than that - she was the point-person for so many things here in Vancouver, and we really do owe her so very much for all she did in ensuring the day was a good, smooth, and marvelous one.

Anyway, the wedding was lovely, as was the reception. People ask what the best moment of it was. I never can answer that well - so much was a blur in the moment and all the more so looking back. A happy blur, but a blur. I guess the best part is every time I twiddle with the ring I now wear on my left hand and can revel in all that ring stands for and the day when it was given me.


There are many photos from the wedding week - the lead up, the time in Vancouver, the event, the honeymoon (Hawaii, of course) in a Flickr collection. Enjoy.

The end of 2011 saw Marie buy herself a condo, which means that this has been the last year of her living at our Vancouver condo. It's been a good arrangement all along, and we will miss her. On the other hand, we now get to furnish and decorate the place the way we want, and that excites us. The issue was almost forced a little earlier in the year when I found myself applying for and interviewing for a job in Vancouver. I didn't get an offer, and in terms of timing, that was likely for the best. I won't deny it's not disappointing not to be the first choice, but I have a secure position in Chicago, and I'll be grateful to have that job. May I do it well in 2012.

I swam a lot in 2011. I raced a couple of open water swims (fun!),
I did some timed distances in the pool (fun!), I closed the year with a 17-mile week at the English Bay Swim Club swim camp. In all, I was several miles short of 400 miles for the year, but good enough for a mile a day. I'm pretty proud of that. I am not proud of where my waistline is at the end of the year, but I haven't had to go out and buy bigger clothes, so I'll just eat moderately now that the holidays are over, and exercise regularly. About all that can be asked of us, right?

We have dined well this year, at home and elsewhere. Yoshi's has been our cherished regular place as always, of course. Safari Cafe is our coffee spot of choice in Vancouver. I had an unfortunately memorable meal at the Getty Museum in LA - a rare instance where I complained about the food. Best meal? Oh gosh. I ate a lot of very good things this year, not least of which were the deep-fried octopus chips at Boneta a few days ago. I might point to the wedding rehearsal dinner at Campagnolo for its combination of company, energy, location, and food. I still rave about that squash risotto with hazelnuts. Yum!

An interesting thing, though - if you go back earlier in 2011, you'll see some blogging about the cleanse that I did. I kept a few things going post-cleanse. Decaf only - I sleep much better now, seldom cursed with insomnia. I tried to add red meat back to my diet and found it just didn't agree with me much. With exceedingly rare exception, red meat remains out of my diet. Yes, I include pork in that, too. Nope, no bacon for me.

There have been good conferences, swimming events, trips to LA while Conrad has been working there. Thanksgiving in the UP with the in-laws (now officially that) and Christmas in Vancouver with my family and our friends here. Allison and Marie have stayed with us. TK joined them for a bachelor party weekend that still makes me shake my head in happy amazement. That led to one of the concerts we got to this year - the Debbie Gibson/Tiffany reunion concert. What a blast! Call it cheese, call me cheesy, I don't care. It was fun. Right TK? Oh, and there was the night we went with Smelts friends to see Florence + the Machine, and then there was the Dick Prall show Allison and I took in. I even got Conrad to a few movies this year, plus he went with me when I saw a pro-tennis match for the first time (Fish d. Harrison).


I'm forgetting things from 2011. That's fine. I blogged irregularly, but there is evidence of the year that was if you read back. Besides, it's now time for 2012. Which doesn't mean I won't look back again, but this should launch a new year of blogging nicely. In 2011 I hit my 1000th post. 1366+ by the end of 2012?